Do you ever wish God would just write the answer down to the ‘big’ question you’ve been asking him, wrap it up all pretty and have it delivered to your doorstep? That’s pretty much where I am right now. I feel as if I am literally standing at the infamous fork in the road; I can go left, or I can go right, but I can’t go back. Do you know how frustrating that is!?
I’m blessed enough to have a family member who does ultrasounds for a living. So, for the past couple of weeks I’ve had ultrasounds to see what my ovaries are up to. Can I just tell you….they are up to NO GOOD! Both have a bunch of tiny cysts, and there is no sign of a dominant follicle. For a couple of weeks now, things in the reproductive area have been dormant. Literally! There has been no change at all, and I am a week late. That might be TMI, but that’s where the truth lies. I realize for those of us with PCOS, irregularity is ‘normal’, but you have to understand for me…being late is so not normal, especially since I’ve been so regular for the past 8 to 10 months. So I don’t know what is going on! I’m just keeping on keeping on. Still doing my normal exercising, eating right, taking my meds., etc. Over the past couple of weeks, Coach and I have talked a lot (between the two of us and with family), about what we are open to fertility treatment wise and what insurance will cover (which is basically nothing). Coach is really feeling led to give a few “simplier” fertility options a shot. (I say simplier VERY lightly! If you know much about fertility treatments, you know there really isn’t such a thing as a simple fertility treatment option.) However, we are torn by the reminder that it is costly and not guaranteed to work. On the other hand, I realized that although I’ve always had PCOS, I never had any of the symptoms/problems until after I had gotten pregnant with Sassy and gained all the weight I’ve been packing around (which greatly effects PCOS). So I feel like if I can just keep battling through the weight loss, maybe I can get the symptoms to subside enough to get pregnant again. Having PCOS makes weight loss extrememly difficult, but not impossible. So, the road to my left leads to a path of fertility treatments.
What’s the other road? Well, adoption of course. We know we want to adopt at some point, and feel led to pursue adoption once we get settled into our next home. So my prayer has been for God to reveal to us whether he desires us to go left, and pursue more fertility options, or to go right and just wait for the right time to pursue an adoption. Truth be told….I’m wanting both. However, I realize that pursuing both over the course of the next year may not be God’s will. And we want to follow God’s will. We’ve learned that our will never works out, but God’s way is always right. So please feel free to pray along side us as we seek God’s will in growing our family.
Thanks for all of your prayers, good thoughts, and support! We appreciate you!
On a happier note…..we leave for the beach in only 9 days!!!! (Maybe a good vacation will help clear our minds and open our hearts to be able to recieve God’s answer.)