As the day draws closer for us to leave our home, I’ve become a little more sentimental about it. At first it didn’t bother me at all, I was purely excited about everything, but now I feel excitement, a little sadness, and honestly…a little bit of fear. To me our house represents stability. No matter where life has taken us, this was where we always came back to..this was home. I realize our new place will soon be home to us, and the place after that will become home as well. I think a lot of the sadness comes from the simple fact that I am a woman. Feeling sadness over things like this is part of our hard-wiring. I am very excited to see what God has in store for us over the next year and even beyond, but I also think maybe that is where my fear comes from as well. I’m almost afraid to see what kind of whirlwind experience is coming next. Not that it’s a bad thing…I don’t fear the moving and unknown for that, because I know God has our best interest in mind and has an amazing plan for us. It’s just that this has all happened so fast that I am just now getting to process all of it. It’s been one thing after another, and we have been so busy keeping up that we haven’t had time to really sit and think on what is happening. Now that we have a week at a slightly slower pace, I think it is finally sinking in. I’m sure I’ll have one good cry before we leave. That’s just who I am…I cry every single time I move. I cried as I went off to college. I never told my parents, but from the time I pulled out of their driveway for about 20 minutes, I balled my eyes out. I knew I would be back home in a week or so, and would go home every weekend or two, but a part of me knew it would never be the same again. When Justin and I moved back to our home-town and left our little trailer in northeast La…I cried. I was so excited to get into something bigger than that trailer, but I still cried. So..yet again..I will cry. I don’t cry often, and I don’t cry in front of people usually…that’s just how I am, but usually one good cry does me good. (lol) I’m excited for the new owner to get experience the neighborhood and fall in love with the home just like we did, and I know they will enjoy it here. And as much as I will miss our first home, I will really be looking forward to our next home and all the excitement that it will bring.
It has been a tough reality to think that we are going from such a big house, to a much smaller place, and many of our things will have to be stored during that time. But it is also a great reminder of how blessed we are to have so much stuff that we need to store part of it. How many people can say that?! I also realize that this experience will bring many life lessons for our family that we could never otherwise learn. God knows that we learn best when we get our hands dirty. By this time next year we may live in a different state, or maybe we will live in the same town in a brand new home, or maybe we will still be renting. I don’t know, but I know who does know. And I know that I have to trust him fully. A couple of months ago I told God that it was all his. I wasn’t going to worry about any of it any more, or try to control any of it. I wanted his will only. So, that’s what I’ll do…trust God.